The holiday season brings excitement, planning, activities, and food. People often anticipate this wonderful time of the year for months. Special traditions shared with friends and family make the holidays even more meaningful.
But with busy lives and many households with two working parents, it’s worth reexamining our priorities during the season. It’s particularly important for military families and veterans who, in addition to the typical challenges of the holidays, also manage compounding service-related factors.
Challenges and triggers for anyone during the holiday season include (a) relationship stress, (b) financial stress, (c) family troubles, and (d) internal pressures on ourselves. For military families and veterans, a few examples of added pressures are frequent moves, parents deployed, and veterans feeling isolated.
Here are two simple tips to help survive the holidays.
Have REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS of yourself: One person’s bare minimum might be another person’s overdoing it. Everyone is different. Note what your triggers are. Think about what you say to yourself, and what you might say differently. Instead of “I could be doing more, and I should try harder,” say “I am doing the best I can.” A positive internal dialogue is instrumental in creating a manageable outcome for yourself.
PRACTICE SELF-CARE: We often need to set boundaries when interacting with family. Be grounded and focused on what you want and be firm on boundaries that meet your needs. We often have a list of “doing for others,” but we have to balance that with “doing for me.” Our self-care needs go up at this time of year. Self-care is anything that feeds our spirit: singing, exercise, nature, music, volunteering, and so on. Practicing self-care can help avoid any kind of relapse for people with prior behavioral challenges. Relapse can happen with food, alcohol, shopping, emotional dysregulation, gambling, anxiety, depression, over-functioning, and under-functioning. Part of self-care is also learning to say “No,” a useful skill for all of us to have. Lastly, don’t forget to give yourself and others grace.
Our holiday wish to you is that these tips help you make the most of time spent with family and friends this holiday.
Karen Katrinic, M.S. is Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist at the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Easterseals